The Question
by PonyGrim
Summary: Why can't anybody tell Steven how babies are made? WARNING: Crackfic (sorta)


"Hey, Garnet, uh, I have a question."

Steven was sitting on the couch next to Garnet, staring at his feet. A half-eaten cookie was perched on his knee, and every so often he reached down and took a bite out of it. Garnet said nothing, prompting him to continue.

"Well, yesterday I was talking to Connie, and I asked her how babies were made, and she got kinda embarrassed and said I should ask you. So." He paused, looking up at the older gem. "Uh… how are babies made?"

Garnet looked down at him. Sometimes Steven believed she could win any poker match with her face and nothing more. He wondered if she was raising an eyebrow by the way her face was tilted. Still, though, he wanted to know. He had been incredibly confused ever since Connie had refused to tell him the day before.

"Go ask Amethyst," Garnet finally said. If he had been listening a bit harder, he would have heard the monotonous words, "I'm not ready for this conversation."

"Ok!" Steven tried to grin, but he was still bewildered. It must be very strange if Garnet wasn't talking about it.

He got up off the couch and after a few minutes of looking, finally found Amethyst in her room. She looked up from the pile of junk she had been rooting through and waved. "Hey, Steven, what's up?"

"Oh, nothing, really," he answered, climbing over various mounds of trash and belongings to where his friend was perched. "Uh, can I talk to you?"

Amethyst cocked her head a bit in surprise, but patted an old pizza box and sunk into a sitting position. "Sure, man." She picked up what looked like the remains of a blanket or a washcloth and began trying to fold it into origami.

"Well, I wanted to ask Garnet this question, because I asked it to Connie yesterday and she didn't want to tell me," Steven began, staring at the wall. "But, Garnet didn't really want to tell me either, I guess, because she didn't answer me. She told me to go to you, so, you know, I did."

"And…?" Amethyst asked. "Come on, spit it out."

"How are babies made?"

Amethyst was silent for a moment. Steven, at this point, was wondering if he had made a big mistake ever thinking up this question. Why was it so secret? Why wouldn't anybody tell him? Maybe he should just forget about it.

The purple gem burst out laughing, almost scaring Steven out of his skin. He backed away from her as she snickered uncontrollably, her entire body shaking. She held out a hand to steady herself and looked up at him with a large smirk, still trying to get over the multiple chuckles forcing their way out of her.

"You said Garnet wouldn't tell you this?" she choked out before falling over again, chortling.

"Yeah, she wouldn't." Steven looked down at his mirthful friend. "Um, are you going to tell me?" She didn't answer immediately, taking time to regain her composure and wipe her eyes a bit.

"Uh, you know, maybe this is something you should ask Pearl," Amethyst decided, trying to wipe the large grin off her own face. "She's probably better at explaining it."

"Um, ok," Steven replied. "Goodbye! I'm gonna go find her!"

"See ya," Amethyst waved before falling into peals of laughter once again as her friend left.

Steven walked around the temple before finally deciding Pearl wasn't inside. He hopped out onto the porch and spotted her on the beach. "Pearl! Hey, Pearl!"

Pearl looked up at him as he ran down the steps and across the sand to his side. "Yes, Steven?"

"I have this question that Connie didn't want to answer and Garnet told me to ask Amethyst and Amethyst told me to ask you and I'm really confused!" he burst out all in one breath. Pearl looked rather concerned, holding out a hand to steady the boy.

"Well, what is it?" she asked, lowering herself so that he could look her in the eye.

Steven gave her a sheepish look. "How are babies made?"

Pearl took a second to process the question before her eyes widened a bit. "Excuse me?" she asked politely, seeming a little confused.

"How are babies made? Garnet didn't tell me and Amethyst said I should ask you."

Pearl shook her head, her eyes narrowing. "Garnet probably should have said something," she murmured under her breath. "Well, it's rather hard to explain, Steven," she began. "Are you sure you'd like to know now? I mean, you could always wait a year… or two… or three…"

"Yeah, I want to know!" Steven's eyes were almost shining.

Pearl sighed. "Well, if a pair of human mates decide to breed…"

Ten minutes later, Steven was walking back up the beach. His eyes were much wider than they had been at the beginning of the talk. Pearl had been… very scientific. Very scientific indeed. He hadn't understood half of what she said, but he got the gist of it.

As he entered the temple, he was spotted by Amethyst, who was pulling a soda out of the refrigerator. "Oh, man, did she tell you?" Amethyst asked, snickering loudly. Steven flopped down on the floor beside her.

"Yeah, she told me," he replied.

"Well, are you scarred for life or whatever now?"

"I think I'm just more confused," he told her honestly. "Um, what exactly does mating mean again?"

* * *

**A/N: Written by an anonymous user of Ponygrim. They got inspired and decided to write this as a crackfic/joke.**


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